The person who pays most dearly when I'm like this is my poor, abused husband Todd. He is always there to swoop in and handle the kids while I take a 30 minute time-out in my room. Alone. With a book. And hot chocolate.
Then I'm back to normal Joy and can handle baths, dinner, and maybe throw in some cuddling if the claws are truly all retracted.
I know I'm not, but I sometimes I feel like I'm the only mom who does this. The only one who can't handle my kids 24/7, and sometimes wishes I had a real job or career I could lose myself in. How wonderful would it be to take a lunch break at a non-kid restaurant, pee with the door CLOSED, or be able to quietly sit at a desk for hours with only my own thoughts for company.
I know I would miss my kids. I would miss the smiles, cuddles, and fun ice cream treats. I would miss the two-year-old conversations. I would miss Brody's laugh. I would miss staying in my pajamas all day.
But sometimes, just sometimes, I miss myself even more. The Joy who knew what kind of music she liked, who knew the latest fashions, who slept in, who had the time to be vain every day and not feel guilty, who saw the new releases instead of waiting for redbox, who had much more time and much more patience with other people's children, and whose biggest accomplishment of the day didn't revolve around a little person going poop on the big boy potty.
This is not a pity post. I'm not going back to work, or saying I wish I never had kids. I just want to look back on this blog/journal and remember being a mom was not always fun and wonderful; it was hard work. I woudn't trade it for anything, but I also want to acknowledge what I, and all my stay-at-home friends, are giving up. We are all smart, talented people. Most of us have some sort of degree. We all could be successful in whatever job we wanted, but we choose to stay home with our children because that's what matters most right now.
I've just been thinking about all this stuff a lot lately. Sometimes I get so eager for my kids to get in school so I can finally get a job and have a life outside the home, I forget to enjoy the days right now. I know I'm lucky to have my children here, especially when I hear stories of people losing theirs.
See? If you didn't believe me before, I'm sure you all agree I'm a monster. Who doesn't always enjoy their children? What kind of mother actually has bad weeks instead of bad days? Who dreams of working?
I can see I've been rambling for way too long now, so let's see some pictures!
Here is what we have been up to here:
Hanging out at home:
Band aid mustaches: 
Playing with favorite cousin, Charlotte: 
Going to a pumpkin patch:
Zack finding his perfect pumpkin:
Carving pumpkins:
Watch Brody discover his toes. He can also roll over now!
12 comments:
I. LOVE. YOU. And you summed it up perfectly! Like, really perfectly. And here here to the bad weeks! I've definitely been a member of that club for a long, long time now.
P.s. The picture of you in your pink flowery shirt and Zack not looking is a GREAT picture of you!
P.P.S. I have something for Brody that I made 2 months ago. I kid you not. Its still sitting in my pile of stuff to be mailed. I'm sure I've told you this before, but I promise I haven't forgotten about you!!
Oh Joy, so funny how we're always on the same page in life. I am working on a blog post right now about this same thing! LOL havent finished it yet though because, well I have no time for myself ever. Love u! Hang in there. Someday we'll have a life again
-Holly
Feel ya Joy. You're not the only one at all. Our choice to stay in the home doesn't mean we forget about the other things we've put on hold. I have those thoughts all the time. FYI you're looking more stylish than ever! Redbox tonight?
very festive shirt todd..
-phil
I'm right there with you. I don't think I want a job per se because I don't want to have to balance home and work, but what I DO want is to be able to get dressed in the morning in cute clothes and stay dressed in those clothes all day and have them still look cute at 6 p.m. I tell Chris all the time "I used to be smart. I know my brain used to function. But for some reason it just doesn't work right now." And trust me. We all have bad weeks. There have been a couple bad months during my time as a mother as well. It's SO hard to give up so much for your kids. I totally understand. and no worries. I'm counting down the months for Madi to start school :)
Oh Joy! I love your honesty! It makes me feel better about my life. I have the job and too many hours at a desk and everyday think about when I get to stay home with my kids and how badly I want that. Funny part is though, all the things you wish you had except maybe about three of them I don't have either. It's not your kids to blame, it's what happens when you get married hahaha I am glad that being a mom isn't easy, if it were I think you'd be doing something wrong. And don't feel bad, my mom hid from me the majority of my childhood and look how I turned out :)
Thank you for this post Joy. I know you barely know me, and I'm not even a mom... but I can't imagine how hard it can be and I do know it's not always a bunch of roses. In no way are you a monster. You are human and better yet you are an honest mother who loves her children enough to take a "mommy timeout" so that you give them the best you you can be.
I love your honesty Joy. You are the best!
Also, for the record, peeing with the door closed is way over-rated.
Your so smart to put yourself in "Time Out". I'm a firm believer in them. - for me especially!
Believe me, I know what your talk'n about, & it's frustrating to feel that way at times. It's like I can see & hear myself just being snappy & short & it just seems to pore out without being able to put a breaker on it.
That's when I know, I've hit my wall & need to stop.
Soo, yep, your normal. :)
I almost laugh when people say, " I can't even imagine you getting upset Karis!" It's true it may not show up very often, but I've got fight in me. :)
couldnt have said it better myself!
I just turn into the monster when I am on rollerskates. Find a hobby where you get to legally hit people...it helps.
Really though, you are great. Surround yourself with people you love and enjoy what you can. We all need breaks, and maybe some coke. At least that's what I tell myself.
Hey girlie, I've been thinking about you a ton lately and meaning to call you. I am totally having struggles with giving up my job and baby isn't even here yet! ahh! I know it will all work out. We need a girls day. Get your booty over here. Arent you coming out for Thanksgiving? xo, Michelle
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