The person who pays most dearly when I'm like this is my poor, abused husband Todd. He is always there to swoop in and handle the kids while I take a 30 minute time-out in my room. Alone. With a book. And hot chocolate.
Then I'm back to normal Joy and can handle baths, dinner, and maybe throw in some cuddling if the claws are truly all retracted.
I know I'm not, but I sometimes I feel like I'm the only mom who does this. The only one who can't handle my kids 24/7, and sometimes wishes I had a real job or career I could lose myself in. How wonderful would it be to take a lunch break at a non-kid restaurant, pee with the door CLOSED, or be able to quietly sit at a desk for hours with only my own thoughts for company.
I know I would miss my kids. I would miss the smiles, cuddles, and fun ice cream treats. I would miss the two-year-old conversations. I would miss Brody's laugh. I would miss staying in my pajamas all day.
But sometimes, just sometimes, I miss myself even more. The Joy who knew what kind of music she liked, who knew the latest fashions, who slept in, who had the time to be vain every day and not feel guilty, who saw the new releases instead of waiting for redbox, who had much more time and much more patience with other people's children, and whose biggest accomplishment of the day didn't revolve around a little person going poop on the big boy potty.
This is not a pity post. I'm not going back to work, or saying I wish I never had kids. I just want to look back on this blog/journal and remember being a mom was not always fun and wonderful; it was hard work. I woudn't trade it for anything, but I also want to acknowledge what I, and all my stay-at-home friends, are giving up. We are all smart, talented people. Most of us have some sort of degree. We all could be successful in whatever job we wanted, but we choose to stay home with our children because that's what matters most right now.
I've just been thinking about all this stuff a lot lately. Sometimes I get so eager for my kids to get in school so I can finally get a job and have a life outside the home, I forget to enjoy the days right now. I know I'm lucky to have my children here, especially when I hear stories of people losing theirs.
See? If you didn't believe me before, I'm sure you all agree I'm a monster. Who doesn't always enjoy their children? What kind of mother actually has bad weeks instead of bad days? Who dreams of working?
I can see I've been rambling for way too long now, so let's see some pictures!
Here is what we have been up to here:
Hanging out at home:
Band aid mustaches: 
Playing with favorite cousin, Charlotte: 
Going to a pumpkin patch:
Zack finding his perfect pumpkin:
Carving pumpkins:
Watch Brody discover his toes. He can also roll over now!
